MIA,

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Sorry, so sorry…I have been totally MIA. I have spent that time wisely though, getting to the after, getting closer to the after. Except…

I considered changing the name of the blog or starting a new one because I’ve realized that the after isn’t someplace I can get to, it’s where I live already.

After I graduate.
After I get married.
After I have kids.
After the kids are in school full time.
After my Dad died.
After I get my own house.
After the hubs finishes school.
After.
After.
After.

My whole life is THE after! So then I felt lost. And I tried hanging out in the now for a bit. It’s still frustrating and overwhelming there. I still feel like a failure there. It still hurts there. But at least it feels real there. So it’s still a struggle to stay there, and sometimes I forget, but I try to keep coming back to now.

I’m not changing the name or starting fresh. Life isn’t really a clean slate. You carry it all with you and the fresh start comes when you change how you think. When you tell that voice in your head NO! NO, I will not wait till after. NO, I will not fail by not even trying. So, here I am.

NOW:
I’m making my health a priority. I’m eating better, I’m exercising everyday. Yesterday I even went on strike here at home. I will not be taken for granted. I will not put my needs last. I’m working on projects one step at a time. Most importantly is this:

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It’s a scheduled reminder on all my devices. It’s my mantra to get through each day. Every morning I will start where I am. Not after. Where I am. I will use whatever I have, and ya know what, I usually find that I have something. Not always what I’d like, or what might be best, but I have something. I do what I can. Sometimes that’s a whole hell of a lot and sometimes it’s only the very basics of survival. And that’s ok.

No promises on how often I will update but I will update. I’m walking the road less traveled my friends and I hope you will too!

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