But sometimes he’s gone. My Dad wasn’t perfect, but he was always there. That’s the part that always hurts. Maybe he wouldn’t know what to tell me right now. Maybe he would have given me the worst possible advice. But he would have tried. And I miss him.
FEAR, FAILURE AND FUCK ALL START WITH F!
My confidence in life is shot. I don’t try because I’m afraid. Fear seems to rule my world. I don’t know when exactly it became that way. I use to be fearless. Fear is dumb. There’s nothing wrong with failing. Everything takes practice. You fail and then you learn and you get better. What the hell is wrong with me?!
Grrr. Fuck. 😦
My mom has these end tables, there’s 3 of them, and they nest into each other. Nesting tables 🙂 Anyway, when I was little there was nothing in life that was better than a snowy day and playing “bear in the cave”. You see these tables sat in front of the heat vent. So I would pull them out, drape a blanket over them and curl up underneath. The heat would come on and I’d be a hibernating bear, watching all that cold, beautiful, white snow slide past the window. There is no game in childhood that ever made me feel more safe and cozy and loved than Bear in the Cave. So I love snow! More than anything. It still fills me with child-like wonder. Still makes me feel safe and warm and happy. Snow means all is right with the world. Anything is possible. Even a small girl can be a hibernating bear in the snow.
I think. Shoot, is this tomorrow? I gotta start posting earlier so I can keep track.
No fancy pictures, just words. Hope that’s not to boring for you. Truth is though that I don’t care if it is boring for you because this blog is for me! I’ll pretend you’re still following along though.
I’ll start with an apology. I’m sorry I got so far off track. This is suppose to be about me getting from the before, to the after, but I guess I’ve just been taking the “scenic route”. I can’t promise it won’t ever happen again but I can promise to try not to.
So tomorrow, you’ll start seeing regular posts again. With pictures. Before and after. Now I leave you with this:
The Road Not Taken
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear,
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I marked the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
I wish you all a good night!
Nothing fancy here. Just realized it’s been a while since I posted. I can’t believe how far off track I’ve gotten!
New post coming tomorrow…or eh, later today I guess. I’m so sorry I’ve been such a horrible blogger. Improvements will be forthcoming! Stay tuned!